What Does It Mean to Be a Man in the 2020s?

Recently I opened Instagram again and, as expected, got hooked on reels. Very quickly the algorithm started feeding me opinions about men, relationships, and masculinity — often from two very loud and opposite camps.

On one side, you have the “red-pill” influencers like Andrew Tate, with aggressive ideas about dominance and gender roles. On the other side, you have performative “male feminists” who insist men must be endlessly soft, gentle, and apologetic. Both extremes feel disconnected from real life, and neither reflects what most men actually experience.

So I decided to write my own thoughts on masculinity in the 2020s — the good, the bad, and the honest.

Also, an important note: this article is written for men. Women are great, they have their own strengths, challenges, and evolution, but the internet has become a battleground of men vs. women commentary, and I don’t want to contribute to that noise. This is about us — men.

Let’s begin.

---

Don’t Let Anyone Judge Your Masculinity

One of the most toxic trends today is people confidently announcing what a “real man” is. But masculinity is not a universal checklist — it is contextual.

Is a man who uses violence “more masculine”?
Sometimes — if it’s to protect loved ones in real danger. But if he’s not violent by nature, he may protect them in completely different ways.

Is it masculine to be calm and kind?
Toward your family and friends — absolutely. But there are situations in life where calm kindness doesn’t work. The world contains difficult people who don’t respond to it.

Should you financially provide while your partner stays home?
Some people love that dynamic. But one of the best couples I know has reversed roles: he is the stay-at-home parent, she thrives in corporate leadership. They are brilliant, balanced, and raising amazing kids. And he is absolutely a man — strong, capable, fit, successful in his field.

A girl once told me I wasn’t masculine because I use skincare products. Another girl told me I absolutely should. Who’s right? Neither — I simply do what works for me. Masculinity isn’t validated by strangers.

Conclusion: masculinity is contextual.
Find your own version — don’t let others define it for you.

The rest of this article isn’t about defining masculinity, because only you can do that.
It’s about showing how to find it.

---

Do Physical Activity

“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training.
It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength
of which his body is capable.” — Socrates

Men are built to move. Evolution doesn’t only shape muscles — it shapes hormones and brain structures too. Men naturally have higher testosterone, and testosterone influences physical drive, initiative, and action.

And this isn’t just intuition — there is research showing that boys learn and behave better when movement is part of learning.

Here are two studies:

• Mallory Munden (2017) – “Kinesthetic Movement Activities and Boys’ Engagement and Behavior in Literacy”
  Found that boys are more focused and engaged when learning tasks include movement rather than requiring them to sit still.

• Elizabeth Jane Merritt (2017) – “The Impact of Physical Activity on Academic Growth”
  Showed that integrating physical activity into early-grade classrooms improves academic progress.

Conclusion: movement is not optional — it improves cognitive engagement, attention, and behavior, especially in boys.

And when I say physical activity, I don’t mean you must become a gym addict. You can train MMA, play football, dance, swim, hike, or do anything that gets you moving.

If someone tells you “dancing isn’t masculine,” remind them that one of the greatest boxers in history — Vasyl Lomachenko — was trained as a dancer, and his footwork became legendary because of it.

---

Take Care of Your Mental Health

One of the leading causes of death among young men is suicide. Another, metaphorically speaking, is losing yourself — numbing your emotions, collapsing under pressure, or acting destructively toward yourself and others.

Men are allowed to feel anger, but anger is only one of many emotions. If you don’t learn emotional regulation, you end up stuck in one mode — and that mode can ruin your life.

Therapy helps. Not because you’re broken, but because you’re human.

My personal advice: find a male therapist if possible. I had several therapists in my life — both men and women — and while the women were helpful, I felt more understood by a male therapist when discussing specifically male experiences. But if you find a great female therapist, go for it. The important thing is to work with someone competent.

And ignore influencers.
Both red-pill influencers and extreme ideological voices speak in absolutes — not because they care about you, but because outrage gets views.

Focus on your mental health, not on internet arguments.

---

Do Art or Connect With Your Feminine Side (Anima)

Carl Jung described the Anima — the inner “feminine” part of a man, representing intuition, gentleness, creativity, self-care, and emotional awareness.

Most men suppress that side, especially if they grew up with difficult maternal figures — distant, unavailable, or overprotective mothers. But connecting with your Anima is deeply healing.

You can do that through art:
read, write, paint, listen to music, learn an instrument, dance.
Art is emotional expression, and it softens the internal world when everything feels heavy.

The “masculine ego” looks outward: achievement, challenge, structure.
The Anima looks inward: grounding, meaning, healing.

And when I say “feminine,” I don’t mean “girly” — I mean a traditional psychological term for qualities men often hide because they fear being judged.

That’s why it’s important not to let others define your masculinity. They don’t know your inner world.

---

Avoid Porn — Sex Is Overrated When It’s Overemphasized

As a software developer, I recently watched ThePrimeagen talk about overcoming porn addiction. What he said resonated.

Men have higher testosterone — a sex hormone — and intrusive sexual thoughts are a normal part of male biology. Society exploits that through porn, OnlyFans, hyper-sexualized ads, and constant visual triggers.

Porn is harmful when consumed heavily — the research is very clear on that.
I’m not advocating extreme “no-fap” ideology; occasional use will not destroy your life. But overuse definitely can.

I’ve seen many friends struggle with it.

Sex feels amazing — but it’s not the purpose of life. It’s not number one. Treat it as number four or five. There are more important things to build first.

---

Find Male Role Models for Guidance and Inspiration

In the age of the internet, we have access to incredible people. Choose a few men whose values resonate with you and use them as guides.

Some of mine:

• PewDiePie — for personal growth. He went from world-famous YouTuber to a grounded, balanced man who promotes reading, fitness, and personal development.
• David Goggins & Jocko Willink — for discipline and toughness. Their worldview may not fit everyone, but there is a lot to learn from their character.
• Keanu Reeves — for humility and kindness. A rare example of genuine wholesomeness.
• Brad Pitt — for aging gracefully. He takes care of himself, works hard, and carries himself with dignity.
• Matthew McConaughey — for wisdom and honesty. Every interview he gives contains grounded, healthy perspectives on life.

---

Conclusion

Being a man in the 2020s isn’t about fitting into someone else’s definition.
It’s about building your own path — physical strength, emotional maturity, discipline, creativity, mental health, and personal values.

Don’t chase labels.
Build character.

Masculinity is not something you perform — it’s something you embody.